Another sick day...

We're home sick again today. Conner has a fever and a headache which means no work, no sitter. It's one of those early morning decisions that needs to be made and then phone calls followed up to work, the sitter and any appointments that I may not be able to keep now. I'm ok with it, my kids come first and I made myself a promise when I started working that I would never let it get in the way of being a mom. But I still struggle with accepting less than perfection from myself when it comes to my job.

I know I am absent more than others in the office, and likely more than many in my division simply because I am the mother of young children. Add to that attendance to Conner's appointments, and extra sick days related to his stress levels, and I know I'm not doing my job as well as I could were I not away so much. Obviously, my children come first, but I do feel like I'm trading off success in my career for the choices I make as a dutiful mother. Being I only work part-time, it makes sense for me to stay at home with the kids. And, my manager is superbly understanding and accomodating; whereas Mark has a tough time taking one day off for " legitimate" reasons, much less a sick kid. But I still feel gypped in some ways.

I put my career aspirations aside, subject my co-workers to high absenteeism, and have to be comfortable with less than stellar job performance because it's more acceptable for me as the mother. The sacrifice is worth it, especially considering I had always planned to be a stay at home mom. Financially, we just couldn't make it, so we decided together that part-time work would be a compromise in our family's best interest. What lurks in the dark recesses of my mind though is that it just seems unfair that as mothers it is accepted and pretty much expected for us to give up careers and life outside of our families while the opposite is true of fathers. Mark and I are a partenership and making decisions together, so I am not complaining about my role in my marriage.

OK, maybe whining a bit about my role in society. What can I say, it's a sick day.