Fear of Labels

In my quest to gain a better understanding of my son, I have read alot of books, websites, talked to doctors, friends, family.. the list goes on. One unexpected discovery I made was a fear of labels by many adults. Mainly those outside of the profession of childhood development, seem to fear labels the most and are the ones that most often advise to "not label" the child.

I do understand the intent and the reasoning. It takes some willpower not to argue against it though. I decided a long time ago that I don't have time or will to change everyone's mind and they are entitled to their own opinions, but inside I cringe sometimes.

I was happy when Conner finally got a "label". I already knew, and had been struggling with for quite awhile, that something was off with my little man. A diagnosis was an acknowledgment for me, that yes, my instincts had been right and Conner really was difficult to manage. Mark and I weren't just deficient parents. I hadn't realized what a burden of guilt I had been carrying until Conner had been diagnosed with SPD and OCD. I now believe that it was a significant factor in the depression I suffered for several months this last couple of years. I have learned, that it's common for parents, particularly moms, of children with developmental disorders to suffer from depression - thought to be partially caused by their own misplaced guilt and the additional stress that a child with behavioural issues can add to a family.

A diagnosis and label also marked a beginning of a brighter, happier path for my son and our entire family. We started learning what was going on and how to address it. Previously, we just felt lost. While the process is not speedy, appointments were made and attended for tests to rule out physical causes for Conner's symptoms. Without the "label", the appointments would have been difficult, if not impossible to get. We now had a starting point to focus on for education of ourselves, and to pursue help for our boy.

The label gives us a common ground, or starting point when speaking with the professionals in Conner's life. Whether it is his teachers, OT, or doctor, it helps facilitate communication and discussion without having to start at the beginning every time. Most family and friends become nervous when the words SPD, OCD, or autism crop up, I think from lack of education on the subject and blind love for Conner.

For Conner, I think a label has helped because I now had a focus to my research. As his mom, I have gained a better understanding of him, and in turn I pass it on and discuss it with Mark. Conner's self esteem has come back, he's happier and more trusting. I'm not a professional and know I likely miss the mark on alot of things, but it has helped Conner tremendously to finally have some understanding. As parents we are learning the difference between behaviour he controls and behaviour that he does not. It means he's not getting punished for those things he cannot always control. Instead, he's given support to change or redirect what's causing them. (when we recognize it)

Conner is a child that marches to the beat of his own drum. He's unique and I love him for the perspective he has brought to our lives. The labels, as scary to some as they may be, help us as his parents by giving us tools to raise him in a world that may not always understand him.

No Fear.

The Ballet, Sushi, and Us

I have always had a love for the arts; classical music, ballet, opera - but have had no one with which to enjoy or share. Certainly not my family, or my husband's family... and Mark tolerates some "culture", but turns back to hockey discussions as soon as he thinks he can get away with it. So, I decided a very long time ago, that when my children were old enough to start going, and too young to say no, I would impose my will upon them and culture them. So, for the second year in a row, I bought tickets for my family to see The Nutcracker in Edmonton.

Yesterday in -35C (that's almost -40 for you Americans) weather, we drove 3 hours to Edmonton. Some may have suggested that we stay at home in that weather. Ha! I spent almost $300 on these tickets 3 months ago, no way am I gonna let them go to waste!!

Once in the parking lot, we change the kids out of their car ride clothes, complete with crumbs and smears, into their beautiful party clothes. My mom bought them each an adorable outfit earlier in the year. It's amazing how well these two kids actually clean up!!

(Their noses are still cold from the walk into the building)

The ballet itself was pretty good; if you're looking for a review, I think last year's was far better in talent and story, but the kids both enjoyed it. When the Nutcracker prince was injured by the King Rat, Robyn yelled in her little 3 year old voice, "He's dead!" At various times I had to try and shush her exclaims, but inside I was beaming. My little girl was fascinated! She followed the story quite well and was drawn into the dances. Conner enjoyed it also and demanded quite loudly for me to name the different dances, ie: the Russians, Arabians etc. It's hard being put on the spot like that when I know all the "real" ballet people sitting around us are pretending not to listen. The second half was tiring for the children, and Mark and I had to be quite creative in our bid to keep both kids quiet and behaved. I don't think we totally succeeded, but we weren't the loudest either.

Poor Conner was too hot (it was stifling in there), and the clapping had finally done him in by the second half. Every time the crowd started clapping, Conner started gyrating wildly and blinking, sticking out his tongue and other ticks. He also started the humming/singing that he does often when he's in public places - which I think was a sign that he had had enough noise. Thankfully, the second half wasn't as long, so he was able to finish out the show without having to disturb an entire row of people to leave in the middle (yeah, we sat in the very centre of the row - -1 point to me for the choice of seats).

The best part of the entire show was the end. I was chatting with the lady in front of us who was letting us know politely that she thought my children were a bit loud for her tastes to which I was feigning complete ignorance of the point. Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned around to about 4 or 5 people fawning at my children. One of the ladies told Mark and I that we have beautiful children and .. this is the best part: "They are wonderfully behaved." now don't worry, I don't actually totally believe this part because I know my own children. But, that was such a nice compliment.

Afterwards, we went for sushi as a treat for all of us. It was Robyn's first time and she decided upon seeing the maki rolls that sushi was not her thing. I had already ordered her a bowl of rice though, so all was good. Conner ate more maki than I thought he could fit in his little belly. He even drank some of my green tea! Looking across the table at my special guy, I had a vision of him in the future; a well travelled scholar who partakes in the finer, more cultured side of life. Ok, it's a stretch. But in his little suit complete with tie, sipping on green tea and eating sushi at age 5... it seemed fitting. (Maybe if we had our own sushi restaurant Conner wouldn't be so skinny and hard to feed!)

I look forward to next year. It's nice to step outside of our normal routine and do something different. I know the day will come that the kids won't be so easily swayed into going, so I'm going to enjoy these times I do get to enjoy this with them and my husband as fully as I can.

Our Right to Vote on the Coalition Government Petition

Our Right to Vote on the Coalition Government Petition

Fellow Canadian readers, if you oppose the forming coalition and would like to sign a petition declaring such, or want to read more about why many are opposing it - please follow the above link.

I do not normally blog about politics, however this issue has struck a chord with me, as it has with so many other Canadians. It's amazing how much turmoil has erupted in such a short time.

I'm Home!!

While the plane was coming down on the landing strip, I was imagining the reception awaiting me inside with my husband and kids. One of those movie welcomes with yells of "Mommy!!" and everyone trying to hug me at the same time. It was quite beautiful. Reality of course, rarely mirrors fantasy.

The plane had departed over 90 minutes delayed, so poor Mark had been entertaining and corralling two antsy children who were wholly tired of his sole company. When I finally came down the hallway to the reception/public area, there sat my husband, slumping in his seat with a happy smile. He looked positively sh*tbagged. The kids were hiding their faces in our old game, eliciting weird looks from the people around us. When I "found" them, the kids gave me hugs and kisses, and we all walked out happily to the car.

I had made myself a promise while I was away - no more yelling. I hate it, and yet I do it. Lately, I do it on a daily basis multiple times.

It lasted all of 20 minutes. It took us that long to get into the van.

*sigh*

My first day home was awful. I'm not blaming the kids, or anyone in particular - it was just one of those yucky days. It started with 5 (counted all of them) loose and gooey fresh puppy poops across the kitchen floor. Thank goodness it's lino. He couldn't stand and finish his business. No, he had to spread the love across and into every nook and cranny in the kitchen. Thanks Max. Just how I wanted to start my morning! Then a few crappy phone calls and fighting kids and a windy, cold day from hell. Just a bad day.

I promised the kids we would decorate for Christmas this year, so we made a plan after supper to get the first decorations out, including the Advent Calender that Conner keeps a close eye on for the entirety of December. That helped turn a yucky day into a great one. We had alot of fun and the inside of my house looks like the Christmas section of every department store projectile vomitted. The kids are happy and I can enjoy the garishness of it all by seeing it through their eyes. (Christmas and I have a sordid love-hate relationship) Tonight, we'll put up the tree, maybe.

I think Mark missed me though. After a long bath and a book (my wind-down treat after long days), I was greeted by candles and chocolates in the bedroom and one very cuddly hubby. I don't plan on leaving again any time soon, but it sure is nice to come home.