And so it began

Finally, I have begun a blog. I'm a late bloomer, I suppose, but better late than never as the old adage goes, eh? Well as I read in a book in the self help section of the store: the best place for you to start is from exactly where you are right now. (article)

I slammed into my 30th birthday in December. Ouch. It's taken me five months, but I think I'm ok with it now. Ok, so it's only 30... but this one has been looming for a few years now, and the closer it became, the further I slid down that slippery spiral.

I had plans on where I would be, and I didn't feel, even on the eve of my birthday close to achieving most of the goals on the list. This was the time in my life I figured I would finally be an adult. I made the plan, I visualized it... what went wrong? Despite there being a pretty wonderful picture forming, all I could see were the missing pieces.

One of the hardest things left undone was the piano. I promised myself I would learn to play the piano - one that I own. It didn't happen. No piano. Yet.

The struggles with Conner came to a new light in December. We started on the road of assessments and appointments... we know more about what is functioning "properly" now, so it's a start. My guy is even baffling the behaviourologists. Good! It's not just me, or us as parents that are struggling with understanding this complex little boy. It's ok to be frustrated!

My annual physical didn't bode well. The doctor sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound to explore 2 lumps, one in each breast. It's nothing, she said, just a precaution. Also, an ultrasound to check on the fibroids thought to be growing, so I needed to prepare myself for a hysterectomy. The technician at the breast clinic decided she needed to do a biopsy, just a little teensy tiny tissue sample using THE LARGEST DAMN NEEDLE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! It turned out to be nothing for now, but I do get to go back next year to make sure it's not growing or changing.

So that's how my 31st year started... kind of a slump but I'm picking up now and starting to appreciate the puzzle for the pieces that are in place. Irregardless of whether it happened out of sheer dumb luck, or hard work - I need to celebrate them! The rest will come, one day at a time.

So my goals - no due date.. just pencilled in, include:
getting back to health - mind, body and soul
focussing on the most important people in this world, but husband and children
letting go of some of my old habits and friends: self doubt and the critic

It's a start :)

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
Maria Robinson