Fear of Labels

In my quest to gain a better understanding of my son, I have read alot of books, websites, talked to doctors, friends, family.. the list goes on. One unexpected discovery I made was a fear of labels by many adults. Mainly those outside of the profession of childhood development, seem to fear labels the most and are the ones that most often advise to "not label" the child.

I do understand the intent and the reasoning. It takes some willpower not to argue against it though. I decided a long time ago that I don't have time or will to change everyone's mind and they are entitled to their own opinions, but inside I cringe sometimes.

I was happy when Conner finally got a "label". I already knew, and had been struggling with for quite awhile, that something was off with my little man. A diagnosis was an acknowledgment for me, that yes, my instincts had been right and Conner really was difficult to manage. Mark and I weren't just deficient parents. I hadn't realized what a burden of guilt I had been carrying until Conner had been diagnosed with SPD and OCD. I now believe that it was a significant factor in the depression I suffered for several months this last couple of years. I have learned, that it's common for parents, particularly moms, of children with developmental disorders to suffer from depression - thought to be partially caused by their own misplaced guilt and the additional stress that a child with behavioural issues can add to a family.

A diagnosis and label also marked a beginning of a brighter, happier path for my son and our entire family. We started learning what was going on and how to address it. Previously, we just felt lost. While the process is not speedy, appointments were made and attended for tests to rule out physical causes for Conner's symptoms. Without the "label", the appointments would have been difficult, if not impossible to get. We now had a starting point to focus on for education of ourselves, and to pursue help for our boy.

The label gives us a common ground, or starting point when speaking with the professionals in Conner's life. Whether it is his teachers, OT, or doctor, it helps facilitate communication and discussion without having to start at the beginning every time. Most family and friends become nervous when the words SPD, OCD, or autism crop up, I think from lack of education on the subject and blind love for Conner.

For Conner, I think a label has helped because I now had a focus to my research. As his mom, I have gained a better understanding of him, and in turn I pass it on and discuss it with Mark. Conner's self esteem has come back, he's happier and more trusting. I'm not a professional and know I likely miss the mark on alot of things, but it has helped Conner tremendously to finally have some understanding. As parents we are learning the difference between behaviour he controls and behaviour that he does not. It means he's not getting punished for those things he cannot always control. Instead, he's given support to change or redirect what's causing them. (when we recognize it)

Conner is a child that marches to the beat of his own drum. He's unique and I love him for the perspective he has brought to our lives. The labels, as scary to some as they may be, help us as his parents by giving us tools to raise him in a world that may not always understand him.

No Fear.